Those Advice given by A Dad Which Rescued Us when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of being a father.

However the reality soon proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, less is said about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate among men, who often internalise damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - spending a couple of days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "poor actions" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a family member, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."